Who will you need to be to accomplish your big, juicy goal?
Thank you Marianne Mullen
1 year ago
Insert whatever appropriate nouns apply. Singers, actors, managers, critics, and so on. It even applies to non-artists. Go figure!
My next goal. Because I think belly dancing would be fun to learn AND I could do it all by myself. So there.
(via kimsca)
my suggestions to get into this.
1. down dog - (see, we’re already on our way!)
2. right leg up, 3-legged dog
3. bend elbows and chest comes forward into that hover with the right leg still up in 3-legged dog. (get that right thigh really high!)
4. and then start hopping off that left foot… . just a few inches. but as your arms get stronger and your flexibility improves, you might get there one day!
This is on my bucket list now.
How Perfectionism kills relationships.
- I will never get it right, so why bother to try?
- You will never get it right, so why should I trust you?
- I have never been able to get it right, so why should you trust me?
- You have never been able to get it right, so why should I trust you?
- I will never be good enough, so I can’t really trust myself.
- You will never be good enough, so why should I trust you?
Get the idea? The list goes on and on.
Perfectionism is what causes us to create standards so impossibly high, no one, not even US, can ever achieve them. And we know that. So we give up before we even begin. But we put up a good show of standing behind our standards. Because we have principles, damn it.
This becomes an ugly and vicious circle and we feel trapped by our own logic. It’s good to have principles, right? And if we are going to have them, we ought to set them high, right? I mean, if they aren’t high, they aren’t principles worth having. But that logic is exactly what causes us to put up these ideals that cannot actually ever become reality.
The difference between a goal and an ideal is that a goal is actually achievable. An ideal is an inspiring idea, but it isn’t really achievable. It’s a concept that guides us in the direction of a dream. Too many people create ideals and then misunderstand that they should also be goals that they, and others, should strive to achieve and maintain.
You’ll go crazy with that approach. And drive everyone else crazy, too.
Better to consider what your ideal is telling you about what’s important to you. And then if you want goals, create ones that are achievable. Don’t bother trying to set goals for other people. That’s not only manipulative, it’s irritating, unless they’ve asked for your help. Tread carefully down that path.
Whatever you do, consider making one of your goals the slaying of the Perfectionist beast. And get out your nastiest, scariest armor for the deed. It tends to have a lot of heads.
Starting the New Year Off Right
This year I am determined to figure out the following:
- The difference between dreams, goals, wants, and needs.
I’m pretty clear (I think) on the needs part. I mean, that’s got to be the basics, right? Food, shelter, safety, love. Or, that’s what the experts say. I get a little less clear when I think about relationships, because there are certain things I need that go beyond basics. Those needs (or are they wants?) make the difference between whether I can remain committed, be truly happy, and feel a deep sense of fulfillment and satisfaction within the relationship or not.
To make this more complicated, I have many dreams that I have yet to transform into goals. I wonder if they are really just wishes (which isn’t even on the list), or if they fall into the wants category. Sometimes I don’t really want to make a goal out of something that in my heart I would like to just happen someday because it organically comes to pass. To me, this would mean that I create some other goals that support the dream (or want?) and then, because I’ve created an environment in which the dream/wish/want can take root and grow on its own, the universe takes care of the rest.
- The difference between blocks, fears, concerns, and worries.
I am very clear that fear is a kind of block. It keeps us from moving forward because we begin to imagine that all these awful things are going to happen which are just fantasies in our mind that we’re projecting into the future as realities. But what about legitimate concerns? And when do those transform themselves into worries that become nagging little thoughts all the time that we take no action on at all, and perhaps can never take action on anyway? Those are the ones that start to get to me — the things we have no control over anyway.
And then they eventually mutate into fears. Where is the line?
I’m beginning to see a theme already. It’s about where the action lies. Goals = action. The lack of action on a concern has the potential to create a worry. Which can become a fear.
So perhaps the big theme for the new year is Appropriate Action. I’ll chew on that for a few days. December isn’t over just yet.
